I Tried
by wolfie22
Summary: A one-shot about Carol after the loss of Sophia


This is my first Walking Dead fanfiction, but i've been completely obsessed with the Carol/Daryl fics and I've been watching so much Walking Dead lately that I just had to write.

I, of course, own nothing!

* * *

The gunshot rang through Carol's mind as she watched Sophia's body fall, as if in slow motion, to the hard ground.

A few moments passed and all that could be heard was the combined sobs of Carol and Beth as everyone else stood, horrified at what this day had become.

"Don't look" she could hear Daryl's voice, but didn't want to listen to him at that moment.

Struggling out of Daryl's grip, she bypassed Rick, who begged her to stay back, and dropped next to her daughter's still body.

_This isn't my Sophia_. Was the first thing to come to her mind, and she instantly berated herself for the thought, walker or not, she was going to hold her daughter one more time.

Carol dragged her daughter towards her and cradled Sophia's head. The others began to close in around her, she knew that they were concerned that not all of the walkers had been put down, but she didn't care.

"I'm sorry" was all she kept repeating as she stroked Sophia's matted hair out of her face.

She vaguely registered little Beth struggling to get past Rick and to her mother, and then the growls and screams that resulted.

_Another death._

She could see her friends, now family, beginning to surround her. Couldn't they tell she needed to be alone?

"Carol, honey, why don't you come with me…", but she cut Lori off before she could finish.

"No. I am going to stay with my daughter until they put her in the ground" Carol's grip tightened as Andrea approached, but the woman merely covered Sophia with a blanket and placed a comforting hand on Carol's shoulder.

Carol remembered how Andrea had acted when Amy died, and she knew that Andrea would understand her need for these last few moments.

Lori tried again to say something, but Carol merely shook her head, "You go hug your boy, you hold him and don't let him go", she turned to face Lori, "you understand?"

Lori shakily nodded her head and retreated with the others.

She could tell that Daryl was staying close as the others went to begin digging the graves. He had invested so much into searching for Sophia and it was a complete waste.

He had almost died and she was on the farm the entire time.

She wanted to scream at Hershel. Yell at him for omitting the fact that walkers who wandered the woods were placed in the barn. Maybe they would have found her sooner and he wouldn't have been hurt and then her hopes wouldn't have been built up only to be crushed.

But then she remembered Hershel's face when the doors opened, and remembered the look of complete and utter loss when his wife and step-son were killed for a second time.

He was a grieving parent as well, and she could not fault him for that.

* * *

Carol continually stroked Sophia's hair and unconsciously began to hum a lullaby that she used to sing after Ed would get out of control and Sophia couldn't sleep.

The sun was going down and she knew they wouldn't let her stay much longer. She heard the approaching footsteps and knew it was time.

Rick approached her first after stopping to have a hushed conversation with Daryl, "Do you want me to carry her?"

She knew that he was just trying to help, but she declined, "I need to do it myself".

The months of barely eating and lots of running caught up to her as she tried to lift her daughter for the final time. As she stumbled, she was surprised to find the familiar arms of Daryl, and not Rick, stabilize her.

A silent nod in thanks and a silent nod in return spoke more than words could in that moment and she slowly walked across the farm with her daughter.

Carol noticed that other graves nearby were filled and she could see the Greene's, Jimmy and Patricia having their own moment.

After placing her daughter in the grave, Carol stood silently and watched as the men began shovel the dirt on top. When it was done, she ran to the RV before the group would start with their little stories or Hershel could begin his prayer.

She didn't want to hear their stories and she certainly wasn't going to be praying, so she pulled her knees to her chest and cried.

Her little girl had died weeks ago, alone and scared in the woods and now all she could hear was Ed's voice in her mind telling her how _pathetic and worthless_ she was.

A burden.

* * *

No one came to check on her, they were letting her have her time to grieve and for that she was grateful.

Everyone was asleep and she was hoping she could slip by whoever was on watch to have a moment alone. She slipped outside of the RV and could see Daryl stalking near the perimeter of camp, so she quietly walked towards the gravesite.

She sat; leaning against the wooden cross that someone had stuck in the ground and began to absentmindedly pick at the grass.

"I'm sorry. Sorry that I didn't come running after you myself. Sorry that I wasn't out there every day searching for you." Carol sat in contemplation of those words for a while.

Why hadn't she run after her? Why wasn't she out there searching?

Ed.

Ed was the answer. She had been conditioned for years to think that she was useless and she had started to believe it.

She had no gun training, had never even held one. She knew that she didn't have the strength to bash in the skull of a walker with a rock and she didn't even have a knife.

This was it. This was the turning point and the moment where she realized that she needed to stop being a burden and learn to defend herself.

"I'm sorry that I didn't get us out earlier," she whispered, "I tried to protect you from him, I know you saw the bruises and heard the screaming, but I tried."

Carol stayed outside all night thinking about how she could recover from this. Her husband had died mere weeks ago and though it was a blessing, she didn't know any other way to live.

Now her hope for a new life was shattered. She thought that she could raise Sophia right and help her to overcome her shyness and fear.

Her life was gone.

Clinging to the idea of Sophia in Heaven is what enabled her to get up and eventually move towards the group of Cherokee Roses that Daryl had shown her.

He had given her hope with these flowers. She had truly started to believe that they would find her, that _he_ would find her.

Now, her hope was gone, so she tore the flowers apart, paying no mind to the thorns digging into her skin.

* * *

Everyone avoided her the next day, or treated her like she would collapse at any moment and she was getting sick of it.

She knew that Daryl wouldn't sugar coat anything and she hadn't seen him since he told her about Lori wanting to go after Rick. She had noticed that he was pulling away and she didn't like it. This man had proved his true nature and she was not going to let him be alone.

The walker ear necklace stared her in the face, and all she could think of was that maybe one of those walkers had bit her Sophia.

As she turned, he was there, and the yelling began. He had put his wall back up and gone was the man who had brought her a rose and told her the beautiful story of hope.

Carol had been yelled at before, but most other times she had been scared. This time, she fully expected it and welcomed it.

"If you spent half of your time minding your daughter's business instead of sticking your nose in everybody else's she'd still be alive!"

His words stung, but she knew that he had to get it out. She knew that Daryl felt guilty about not finding Sophia and wanted him to let it out if it meant that he would stay with the group and stop pulling away.

"You're afraid, you're afraid cause you're all alone! Got no husband. No daughter. You don't know what to do with yourself."

True. She was afraid. The life she knew was completely gone. Obliterated in a few weeks.

"Sophia wasn't mine! All ya had to do was keep an eye on her!" He got extremely close to her face and in that moment, the fear returned.

She kept her chin raised and stared at him, if he was going to hit her, she wasn't going to cower. She was not the same woman that Ed could smack around with no reaction. She flinched back, but refused to look away.

He backed off once he realized what she thought he was going to do, and keeping the tears at bay, she uttered a simple "Yeah" before turning and walking away.

He was right. All she had to do was keep an eye on Sophia and she'd still be here.

Listening as Lori returned made her anger spike. This woman had left her son alone so man times, and he was fine. She ran off in the middle of the night and had an accident yet there she was, son, husband, boyfriend and baby on the way apparently.

These are the times when her faith slipped.

God was unfair. She had been punished her entire life and for what?

No more hoping and praying for things to work out. No more relying on others. She was going to take matters into her own hands and learn to defend herself.

* * *

Daryl had cooled off and given her his signature apology nod as he entered the house and she forgave him. The discussion about Randall had everyone on edge and she just wanted to escape all of the fighting.

The loss of Dale had everyone confused. He was a good man and she would miss his stories and gentle manner. The voice of reason, now gone.

They didn't have much time to grieve, but they were used to the loss by now and they had to protect what was left.

Now Randall had gone missing and Daryl was off with Glenn searching for the kid.

When they returned without Rick or Shane, she knew something was wrong and then she heard the moans.

A heard was coming straight for them and this one was much bigger than the one that passed by on the road. When she heard Lori say that Carl was gone, she wanted to slap her friend. Did she not see what had happened with Sophia? How could this woman let her child out of her sight again?

She grabbed Lori's hand and helped her search the house again while the others began to take down as many walkers as they could.

When they knew that Carl was gone, she knew they had to go. If Carl had run after Rick they had to trust that they were safe because he would need his mother.

Carol ran and found herself trapped, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight. She picked up a branch and got ready to fight, but Andrea saved her before falling.

She saw Lori, Beth and T-Dog, but she knew that they couldn't risk getting out of the truck to save her, so as they pulled away, she ran.

And she didn't stop running or screaming until she heard the rumble of the motorcycle and his rough voice, "haven't got all day."

She jumped on back and they rode through groups of walkers on their way back to the highway. The last place she wanted to be was near that highway, but if anyone survived, that's where they'd be.

She tightened her grip around Daryl's waist as they saw headlights up ahead and they followed Maggie and Glenn back to the highway where Sophia had gone missing.

They had survived. Andrea had gone down protecting her and she would not let that sacrifice be in vain. If she had had a gun, she could have defended herself and Andrea might be with them, but instead she was alive and Andrea was gone.

Carol watched the families reunite and felt a pang of sadness in her heart.

She walked over to the car that bore the message for Sophia to stay here, and softly rubbed her hand across her girl's name, "I tried" she said softly one more time.

"She knows you tried," Carol was startled by the rough voice of Daryl, "you did more for that girl than most."

"Thank you Daryl," she said quietly.

Carol smiled up at him as he began chewing on his lips, a nervous trait that she noticed whenever he would open up about something.

She had seen his back after Hershel had to stitch him up, and knew that she wasn't the only damaged person in camp. A man who was abused as a child risking his life to find the child of an abused woman, how poetic.

"You coming or what?" She looked up to see Daryl sitting on his motorcycle and the others beginning to climb into their vehicles.

She didn't want to be a burden anymore and she no longer had to stand by the sidelines and defend Sophia. Now she could help the group, maybe start shooting or learn some knife work.

She knew that Lori would need lots of help in the months to come, and there was no way in hell she would let another child die.

With one last look towards her daughter's name, Carol climbed up behind Daryl and slipped her arms around his waist once again. This was the start of a new life and she knew that Daryl would help her learn to defend herself.

She was going to protect her new family with everything she lad left.


End file.
